Time flies is always said by many people. But, I admit that 2012 is just too fast; It is too fast.
There are million things came across my life. Many complicated things; many unexpected things and many unwanted things.
It seems that the whole year of 2012 had been spent for only work. Starting at 7am-6 to 7 or 8 pm. Yes.....sometimes, I just got too tired. But I do love my work. It keeps me learning new things. My ACCA course had been zero for the whole year. No paper had been examed as I most of the time spent my weekend with my boss at the province doing some social and political work.
I really have no time to even think about my past or even has not time to review what I have done from day to day. Each day, I just survive with working and enjoying life with whatever I can. This is the only way that keep me away from being sad.
To this point, I really doubt what makes me sad?? Don't ask me, I myself have no idea what is going on with my head. But, to what I have known, maybe I have done so much wrong about sth or with someone.
I had car crash twice; one time was serious and I don't know whether the one who hit my car still alive or what.......I felt so regret for not be responsible for what I had encountered. But, everytime I go to pagoda, I always wish that guy a better life and hope that god cut some of my age for him/her. That is not possible, I know, but I have no idea what I can do for the victim. Sorry guy.......I have cried for u too.....I do wish that you are alive and have already recovered from the wound. Best wish to you.......
I can tell you that I have lost myself in 2012. I don't what is going on...Maybe too much stress? too lonely? too scary?? whatever it is...........all are my faults................
I also lost my most favorite poetry and writing book. This book is really handy for me. Every time I read it or write on it, it just makes me feel good, comfortable and encourage. I have read and written about it for more than two years but I lost it in 2012. I really have no idea why I lost it. I am so forgetful, careless and stupid. The book is called Mic; I bought it from Japan during Tsunami time. Now it is gone, but every minute I am free or before my bed time, I always miss it and recall my memory on it. Those sweet words I wrote and those poem I made. I do hope that one day I can just find it back. But, maybe it is just a dream. I love it and still love it forever.
See?? my writing is damn bad. I cannot organize my ideas well. This can tell that my brain is stupidly disordered. I am trying to find myself back and set up my living life again. I can't let work dominates too much on my life. I need to balance...............
Hate my writing.................and hate myself too, these day.
I will rewrite this writing again on my holiday...........................sigh......
